Diversions & Digressions | fanfiction by mara

Diverting Attention (The Why Me? Remix)

Diverting Attention (The Why Me? Remix)

by Mara

Summary: Lady Shiva came to town and who knows what she did there…

CONTINUITY/SPOILERS: Post-War Games but Pre-Infinite Absurd Crises
NOTES: I’m remixing Petra’s story “Diverting Attention”. I’ve used a couple of pieces of dialogue and description directly from her story.

I couldn’t decide what to do, so I did two remixes. Please read my other
version, The Aftermath Remix, first, for the proper effect.

* * * * *

The well-lit practice area seemed entirely normal: Mats, towels, a sink, higher
ceilings than you might expect underneath the subway. There weren’t any visible
signs of having fallen down a rabbit hole, so Tim wondered how he’d missed the
transition to Wonderland.

Tim was tempted to say “Off with her head!” but he was certain neither of his
companions would get the joke and it could lead to…unpleasantness if they took
him seriously.

“Let me get this straight,” he said slowly to Lady Shiva. “You’re not here to
kill us.”

“No.” Her eyes were filled with amusement.

“Or even to fight us.”

“Not precisely.”

Cass shifted position slightly and Tim recognized her impatience, but it was
important to him that they make this very clear. “You’re here to teach us.”


“And somehow this involves kissing.”

Shiva’s smile was lazy and made him shiver with…something.

“And, uh…”

“The fact that you cannot even say the word ‘sex’ means that I am right.”

Tim wanted to rub his eyes, but he wasn’t entirely sure that things wouldn’t get
weirder. “I…this is insane. Cass, this is insane!” He turned to her, hoping
for help, but instead got a smile as she moved closer. “Cass! She kissed you!
This doesn’t strike you as a little strange?”

Shiva circled around them and Tim tried to keep an eye on both of the women.
“You do not wish to help Batgirl with her education?”

Tim stared at her. “Uh…I…is that a trick question?”

“No, little bird, it is not. She is vulnerable so long as she does know how to
deal with this. Your mentor will only teach you so much.”

Tim flinched. “Okay, now that’s an image I never needed. Thanks. I’ll be
scrubbing my brain out for weeks.”

Shiva threw her head back and laughed. “You’re still afraid of me.”

“I’m wary of you. Definitely wary.” Tim backed away as Cass put her hands on his
shoulders. “I mentioned the part where this is insane, right?” He opened his
mouth to keep arguing and she covered it, kissing him firmly. “Mmmph!”

Then he doubled over in pain as Shiva kicked his ribs. Cass stepped back,
frowning at both of them. “Distracting,” she said.

“That is the point, girl. You should not be distracted by this, but it is
unfamiliar. Come, continue to learn.”

Tim tried to ignore how nice it felt when Cass kissed him, but she kept
squirming. When she pushed him down to the mat, he tried to protest again, but
he didn’t want to distract her further from deflecting Shiva’s blows. He
strongly suspected she was hitting a great deal harder now.

“This isn’t right.”

Shiva sighed, loudly and deliberately, to draw his attention. “Little bird, if
you do not use every weapon available to you, then you are not truly fighting.”

“Sex isn’t a weapon,” he yelped over Cass’ shoulder.

Shiva laughed at his indignation. “Perhaps you should spar with the Black
Canary, if you believe that so strongly. What else are her stockings for?
Perhaps you should speak with the young man who wore your colors with his legs

Tim felt himself flush. No way on Earth was Dick ever hearing about this. Ever.
Not if the world came to an end immediately afterward, because the man would
still manage to tease him, even if he had to find him in the afterworld
to do it.

“Ah, Batgirl, let me up, please.” He forcibly repressed a whine as her hand
dipped into his tights.

Never taking her eyes off him, Cass deflected two kicks from Shiva. “Later,” she
said with a nod. She turned to Shiva, leaping to her feet. “This lesson is

“I thought the teacher decides that,” Shiva said, as they exchanged a flurry of
kicks and punches.

“I have,” Cass said.

Tim sprang to his feet, diving out of their way, knowing they were fighting out
of his league.

Shiva rolled to the other side of the mat, settling into a prepared stance. “You
were not the teacher here.”

“No?” Cass’ smile wasn’t pleasant.

Tim started to grin as Shiva actually faltered at what she saw in Cass’ eyes.
“Batgirl?” he said quietly.

Cass didn’t look at him. “Go,” she said to Shiva.

Shiva didn’t move, and Cass attacked. Tim’s eyes widened as he realized that
Cass had been holding back before. “Holy…” He ducked as a staff went flying
over his head. Shiva was forced back further and further.

“Go,” Cass said again. “When you have more to teach, I will find you.”

And Shiva fled. Tim blinked. And blinked again. And wondered when the
White Rabbit would show up. Then he winced when he realized that he should be
more worried about the Black Bat who would probably be here any moment.

How in the world were they going to explain this? Tim groaned and put his
head in his hands.


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