Diversions & Digressions | fanfiction by mara

X-Men Comic Drabbles

X-Men Comic Drabbles

by Mara

Summary: A series of unconnected drabbles. Mood, setting, and pairings will vary.

1. It’s Not Easy Being Blue

“Why are blue skin tones so prevalent in mutants?” Hank asked.

“Interesting question,” Kurt said. “Why not hordes of mutants with green or
orange skin?”

“The phenotypical variety of hair color I’ve observed is certainly far greater
than for skin. But I will admit a sense of dismay at the thought I might have
become orange instead of blue.”

“True, true. Blue is somehow more dignified, I believe.”

“We haven’t asked our esteemed colleague his opinion. What do *you* think,
Warren?” Hank asked.

“I think that when Apocalypse turned my skin blue I had to throw out half my

2. On the Road Again

“On the road again, I just can’t wait to get on the road again,” Remy warbled,
leaning back in the seat of the pickup as if he belonged.

“Damnit, Gumbo, do you have to sing that song? You’re off-key and your Southern
accent sucks.”

“It’s all part of Remy’s charm. Dat’s why you love me.”

“No, I don’t.” Logan took his eyes off the road long enough to glare.

“Yes, you do.”

“No, I…I’m not having this argument with you, it’s idiotic.”

“Whatever you say, mon cher. Can I sing ‘Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the
Goalposts of Life’ instead?”

3. Once a Parent

The sounds surprise him–he recognizes those voices. The X-Men burst through the
mansion’s door into a shocking scene: confused students being gathered, Guardian
flying away, holding a screaming Annie and Carter.

The shout comes before he can move, but it isn’t necessary, because he would
have done this anyway.

He streaks through the air, all his being focused on the red and white suit of
Alpha Flight’s leader, previous friendships thrown aside by his most important
rule: Nobody separates parent and child against their will, not while Northstar
has strength left in his body.

“Pour ma petite. Pour Joanne.”

4. When It Was All Over

The sky was gray with particulate matter, and distant fires raged, but the
shouting and shooting and chaos had died down. Now there was just the silence–
heavy with portent, heavy with loss and emptiness.

Scott had fought his hardest, worked past exhaustion into numbness. Now, he sat
in a small room, staring fixedly at a wall, fixated on the contrast between a
charred hole and the pin-up poster of Marilyn Monroe.

It was the morning after the end of the world, and the last man on earth sat in
a room. There was a knock on the door.

5. Monday’s Child

“Monday’s child is fair of face,” Jean-Paul muttered as he surveyed the
conference room filled with mutants.

“Hmm?” Hank looked up from the pad he’d covered with incomprehensible equations.

“Rien.” Jean-Paul sighed, watching recent arrivals Scott, Bobby, and Alex greet
friends and acquaintances, shaking hands and pounding backs. “Merely noting that
the apparent connection between the X-gene and–shall we say–a certain level of
attractiveness, remains in effect.”

Hank blinked and looked around. “You are quite correct. I wonder if that…” His
words trailed off as he scribbled further incomprehensibilities.

Jean-Paul sighed. “Eternal Mondays and not one for me.”

6. After the Labors were Done

Jean always wondered at the naivete of Hercules’ wife, Dejanira–so jealous of a
female slave she used a false love-spell that killed her husband. The story left
many questions unanswered.

How did love become so warped? Why did Dejanira think the centaur who kidnapped
her would give a love-spell with his dying breath?

Hercules labored for many years in the service of the gods, Scott labors for The
Dream. Dejanira trusted the words of an enemy, Jean trusts in the Phoenix.

As she confronts Emma and Scott, the Phoenix rising in her, Jean wonders if
she’s any less foolish.

7. Game Night

Bobby stretched his arms over his head and glanced over at Warren, head was bent
over a chessboard. Across the board, Scott grinned in triumph, arms crossed as
he leaned back in his chair.

Across the room, Ororo and Jean played a cutthroat card game, crowing at
particularly nice plays, and Alex was teaching Cain how to play Apples to

Jean-Paul wandered into the room, looking bored. “Bonjour. And how is game night

“Well, I’ve learned something this evening,” Bobby said, standing up.


Bobby pointed to his abandoned game. “Never play Scrabble with Hank and the

* * * * *

Apples to Apples is a real game, BTW, and probably my favorite game ever. It’s a
bit hard to find, but well worth the trouble if you like words 🙂

8. As You Wish

Logan growled as he opened the lab door, alarming Hank.

“What is wrong, my hirsute and hitherto-unseen-at-these-depths friend?”

Stomping his way around bubbling retorts and churning printers, Logan spared a
moment to glare. “You’ve been working for two days without any real food or even
a damn *nap*.”

Just the word made him yawn, although he tried to hide it.

“Bedtime, bub.”

“I suppose that my experiments will continue without me for a few hours.” Hank
yawned again.

“Damn right they will.” Logan’s hand propelling him out was surprisingly gentle.
“In the meantime, rest well, and dream of large women.”

* * * * *

The title and the last line, as you have no doubt recognized, are from “The
Princess Bride”. The dual challenges on x_men100 were sleep/dreams and movie
quotes. As you can see, I met both 🙂

9. A Soldier’s Life

Challenge: What if they weren’t mutants?

* * * * *

James waited outside the bar for his buddies. They were due on base in an hour
and if they were AWOL, Sarge’d go apeshit.

A click made his highly-trained reflexes jump–almost amusing in a civilian

It was a couple out walking and he almost whistled, ’cause the woman was sexy:
red hair, short skirt, high heels. Too bad the guy was a geek with tidy hair and
an old man sweater.

James grinned at her, the feral grin that earned him the nickname Wolverine, and
for just a moment she smiled back. Then she was gone.

Too bad.

* * * * *

For those who don’t know the comics, Wolverine’s real name was recently revealed
in “Origins” to be James Howlett.

10. When Villainy Knows No Bounds

“Scott, I’ve finished scanning Sinister’s files, and you won’t believe it.”

“Hey, Kitty, as long as you don’t say Remy is the long-lost Summers brother, I can handle anything.”

“Well, it has to do with money.”


“And how Sinister earns his.”


“Remember when your computer crashed and you said Microsoft’s software was an invention of evil?”

“You mean…”

“That was Sinister. Apparently he thought an unhappy and disgruntled population was good for his plans. Then he created and sold the SUV and convinced junk mailers to move to the Internet.”


“He also invented the Macarena.”

“You’re kidding.”

* * * * *

This idea comes from Juliana, who told me she liked my drabbles and also mentioned she’d always wondered where villains got their money. So this drabble is for her! (In the sense that I’ve borrowed her idea…)

11. Scenario 241-B

The Professor would be angry, Kitty thought, kneeling in Danger Room. He didn’t
like her practicing without supervision, but…

Today this scenario had beaten her seven times, belying her claim to be an X-

She could do it. She could.

The center platform rose and Kitty ran up, air made solid beneath her feet by
force of will. A gaudy flag hovered as the room attacked, a robot arm slamming
into her. Breath whooshing, falling, she stretched toward the flag.

“Scenario over,” the computer said.

Alone in her victory, Kitty cried hot tears into the crumpled fabric in her

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